What Does Spooning Reveal About Your Relationship?

Ever wondered what the position you sleep in could reveal about the health of your relationship?

If you’re married or dating someone, it’s natural to wonder about sleeping positions and what they mean. A recent article stated that people who sleep on their back tend to be reliable and strong, while stomach sleepers are outgoing and fun.

So, what happens when you and your partner couple up? From spooning to top and tailing, experts say that our unconscious choices in the bedroom can indicate how we feel about our partners, our sexual desires, and what problems could be bubbling under the surface.

Consequently, what does your sleeping position say about you and your partner? Today we are going to look at spooning and see what it can tell you about the dynamics of your love life.

What Is Spooning: Mastering the spooning techniques

We all enjoy a good cuddle with our partner, whether it’s in your comfy couch or your luxury mattress.  Spooning refers to lying on your side with a partner lying on their side and curling up behind you, mimicking spoons that seamlessly fit together. People have been spooning for centuries, as evident from historic artwork depicting erotic embraces and positions between couples. While spooning can also be nonsexual, it is usually an intimate act reserved for couples. Of course, spooning can start as a simple comfortable position to lay or sleep in, but it can also bring the added benefits of intimacy.

When a partner takes a protective stance over the other, it leads to a feeling of safety, security and closeness and indicates a secure attachment to each other. If you enjoy spooning, then you are comfortable with the intimacy you and your partner share. You literally want to hold onto your partner throughout the night, feeling safe and secure by touching each other and staying connected.

Even body language expert and author of Success Signals: a Guide to Reading Body Language, Patti Wood, acknowledges that closeness, both physically and emotionally, gives side-spooning it’s real benefit: an increase in intimacy. It is a vulnerable position that’s sexual, but it also says, “I trust you”. Furthermore, couples who spoon are less likely to be harboring resentment or anger towards each other and therefore are more likely to feel up for a little moonlight mambo.

Establish the size of the spoon

First, you and your partner need to decide who is the big spoon and who is the small spoon.

1.   The big spoon can be easily figured out by the action that whoever hugs the other partner while cuddling is the big spoon. Note that these roles are changeable.
2.   The Big Spoon is the dominant partner. This is usually the taller or more masculine partner.
3.   The little spoon refers to the smaller partner or the feminine partner.

Types of spoon cuddling positions to try

1. The Classic Spoon 

The classic romantic embrace, portrays a relationship dynamic in which one partner takes a protective stance over the other. It involves trust, experts say, and is often a sign that all is well in the bedroom. 

 

In this position, the big spoon lies on his or her side, and the little spoon puts his or her back to the stomach of the big spoon. The big spoon’s top arm should be wrapped around the waist of the little spoon but there can be variation. The position of your lower legs can vary depending on your preferences.

2. Ball and spoon 

Another position on how to spoon cuddle is the ball and spoon. It is where both of you lie side by side and feel your skin against a breathable, crisp, and light percale bed sheet with the smaller spoon in a fetal position. The bigger spoon’s chest or stomach should be nestled against the small spoon’s back with his lower legs stretched out to create more space.

3. Upside-Down Y 

A position where both the spoons press their backs against each other with each one facing the opposite direction. This placement is perfect for couples who want to enjoy physical contact with their partner while still having the freedom to move around, especially on Nectar’s split king adjustable bed with mattress. This allows more personal space and fresh air along with giving warmth to the partners and still creates intimacy and freedom to both.

Benefits of Spooning

Spooning gives a sense of security, feels good and intimate, but is also good for your health and personal well-being. Here are a few benefits:

• It creates more sexual satisfaction and intimacy

We all know that cuddling often leads to physical intimacy, but cuddling after making love should not be taken for granted. Couples who cuddled after sex reported to have a higher relationship and sexual satisfaction according to a study in 2014.

• It increases bonding among friends or pets 

What is the reason cuddling leaves you feeling loved and connected? Oxytocin isn’t called the “cuddle hormone” for no reason. There’s a social bonding aspect to it when it is released. Research suggests that oxytocin helps you bond with those in your inner circle. In other words, the more you cuddle with your partner and pets, the tighter your bond will be.

• It boosts your immune system

Swedish massage is a massage technique that uses long, gliding strokes, firm kneading, and tapping. Touch is one of the most important aspects in cuddling, therefore if you make Swedish massage part of your cuddling routine, your immune system will seriously up its game. 

According to a 2010 study, people who received Swedish massage had:

1.  Increased production of white blood cells that fight disease (lymphocytes)
2. A reduction in hormones (arginine vasopressin) that increase the stress hormone cortisol
3. A decrease in existing cortisol levels
4. A decrease in cytokines that may cause inflammation

• It helps you communicate emotions 

Clinical research shows that touch is a way to communicate emotions such as love, gratitude, and sympathy between loved ones. Happiness and sadness can be communicated through touch as well. A study in 2009, surprisingly found that touch also fosters emotional communication between strangers.

• It lowers blood pressure

Not only can touch communicate emotions, it also has a calming effect which may lower blood pressure. Research shows short periods of hand holding and hugging lowers both diastolic and systolic blood pressure. High blood pressure is linked to heart disease and stroke. In short, regular spooning should be part of any high blood pressure treatment plan with your intimate partner.

• It relieves stress and anxiety

An analysis in 2004 suggests that massage in the form of stroking, squeezing, and stretching helps relieve stress and anxiety by boosting dopamine and serotonin in the body. These two neurotransmitters help regulate your mood. Dopamine also regulates the pleasure center in your brain.

• It helps relieve pain 

Therapeutic touch is the method of placing your hands on or near the body to balance energy and promote natural healing. With this, cuddling in the form of therapeutic touch may even have the power to reduce pain. 

 

Images courtesy of Nectar Sleep

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Anxiety: Contributing Factors and Symptoms

Anxiety is a psychological state, wherein a person experiences uneasiness or discomfort due to perceived or expected threat or danger. Different people may experience varying degrees of anxiety. Anxiety is a part of everyday life and is a normal psychological reaction to stress. However, chronic anxiety often has adverse effects on a person’s long-term physical and mental state.

Factors that Contribute to Anxiety

It is not unusual for people to get anxious in stressful situations. However, individuals with chronic anxiety may also get nervous or uneasy about mundane events. If they experience an anxiety attack, they may be unable to function at work, school, or at social gatherings. Individuals with chronic anxiety may benefit from consulting a mental health professional at Well Beings Counselling. 

Anxiety disorders can impair a person’s daily life. These mental and emotional issues may last a long time and can be difficult to manage if the affected does not seek help from a licensed therapist. Some factors that may contribute to feelings of anxiety include:

• Public Speaking: Many people get anxious when speaking in front of a crowd.
• First Days: Children may feel anxious when it’s the first day of school. A job applicant often feels nervous about his or her first job interview.
• Transitions: Moving to a new home, getting a new job, getting married, getting pregnant, and other major life changes can be stressful. 
• Appointments: Some people feel anxious when undergoing medical procedures such as imaging studies, laboratory exams, and invasive treatments. Also, undergoing dental treatment can be a source of anxiety.
• Medical Conditions: Being diagnosed with a debilitating, chronic, or degenerative disease can be a source of worry or extreme anxiety. Cancer, AIDS, Alzheimer’s, and other life-threatening medical conditions can lead to much stress for affected people.
• Financial Problems: It’s often stressful when you realize that you only have a few dollars left before the next payday. Or worse, you lost your job or went bankrupt.
• Relationships Issues: Marital conflicts, divorce, constant fights, and misunderstandings between family members may cause much stress for intimate partners and their children.
• Legal Matters: Facing a criminal charge, such as a DWI or DUI, can be stressful and it may disrupt a person’s career, finances, or family.
• Peer Pressure: School-age children, teenagers, and even adults may experience stress when they are pressured by peers.
• Workplace: Your boss or colleagues can be a source of anxiety, especially if you’re asked to meet your quota of work by a certain deadline.
• Pain: The expectation of pain can be stressful. One example of this is children who are afraid of getting shots or injections.
• Traumatic Events: Experiencing a car accident, an act of violence, or other traumatic event can cause anxiety.

What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety?

While mild stress can be easily managed, chronic anxiety is more challenging. A person with an anxiety disorder may experience rapid changes in his or her body and emotions. A anxiety attack may cause a shift in focus or may even alter the mind when it comes to proper decision-making. Additionally, a person with an anxiety disorder may not be receptive to verbal advice due to overwhelming feelings of impending danger.

Here are a few indicative signs of anxiety:

• Feeling tense, nervous, or restless
• Panic or a sense of impending doom or danger
• Increased heart and pulse rate
• Rapid breathing or hyperventilation
• Trembling
• Increased perspiration or sweating
• Feeling tired or weak
• Trouble concentrating
• Thinking too much about the present worry
• Experiencing gastrointestinal problems, such as a stomach ache and increased flatulence
• Trouble getting a good night’s sleep or insomnia
• Intense worry

How to Treat Anxiety Disorders

Some examples of anxiety disorders include separation anxiety disorder, social phobia or social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and specific phobias. A person may have one or more anxiety disorders. Patients who have anxiety disorders usually perceive threats far beyond what they really are, causing panic attacks and uncontrollable behaviors.

If you believe you have an anxiety disorder, it is recommended that you consult a mental health expert. Medication and talk therapy treatments such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can help. Some symptoms of certain anxiety disorders may begin during childhood or adolescence. If left untreated, they may continue into adulthood.

Conclusion

The signs and symptoms of anxiety should be taken seriously. They may hamper your ability to engage in everyday activities, hinder your thought processing, and lead to uncontrollable behaviors or social isolation. 

Don’t wait for mild anxiety to become worse. Talk to your doctor and your loved ones today before it gets worse.

 

Image courtesy of Elaine

 

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Further Evidence That Acting Like An Extravert Can Boost Wellbeing

By Matthew Warren

Researchers have long known that people who are more extraverted tend to be happier, leading some to suggest that encouraging extraverted behaviour could improve wellbeing. Last year we reported on the first trial of such an intervention, which found that acting like an extravert for a week led to an increase in positive emotions in certain people. Now a second study appears to have replicated that result — and shown that behaving like an introvert may also reduce wellbeing.

In the new study, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Seth Margolis and Sonja Lyubomirsky at the University of California, Riverside, asked 131 participants to alter their behaviour over a two week period to be more extraverted or introverted. For one week, participants were encouraged to act as “talkative”, “assertive” and “spontaneous” as possible; for the other, they were told to act “deliberate”, “quiet” and “reserved” (all participants completed both weeks, but half began with the extraverted week while the others began with with the introverted week). 

To encourage the participants to actually alter their behaviour, the researchers asked them to list five specific changes they planned on making, and then sent them periodic reminders of their task throughout the study.  At various points across the two weeks, the participants completed scales measuring their experience of positive and negative emotions and others aspects of wellbeing, as well as their personality traits.

Compared to baseline levels at the start of the study, participants experienced more positive emotions during the extraverted week — and also showed reduced positive emotions during the introverted week. Some other measures of wellbeing, such as feelings of connectedness and flow (the experience of being immersed in — and enjoying — an activity) were also boosted by acting extraverted and reduced by acting introverted.

However, these results didn’t hold for all measures of wellbeing. For instance, participants seemed to have reduced negative emotions compared to baseline during both interventions (although the exact pattern of results differed depending on whether participants began with the extraverted or introverted week).

The results add to the small, albeit growing, body of evidence that acting like an extravert can improve certain aspects of wellbeing — particularly measures of positive emotion. But the authors suggest that their biggest contribution is to show that acting like an introvert can also have an effect. “Given that introversion is generally not regarded as desirable or advantageous in U.S. culture … we believe our most compelling results are those showing that well-being decreases can be substantial when people act more introverted than usual,” they write.

Still, it seems too soon to suggest that we should we all begin behaving like extraverts. The study the Digest reported on last year found that people who had high trait levels of introversion didn’t report the same benefits of acting like an extravert as the rest of the participants, and actually became more fatigued and experienced more negative emotions. On the other hand, the new paper found that baseline levels of extraversion and introversion didn’t affect the results – but it’s still clear that researchers need a better understanding of how individual differences could influence the effectiveness of the intervention.

And it will also be important to figure out which behaviours are actually causing the increases or decreases in wellbeing reported in these studies. It’s not yet clear whether it was being more “talkative”, “assertive”, or “spontaneous” that resulted in an increase in wellbeing in the extraverted week, for instance, and the researchers suggest examining changes in a more specific sub-set of extraverted behaviours in the future. “We hope that research from our and others’ laboratories encourages future investigators to test the potential of behavioral interventions to spur both personality change and well-being gains,” they conclude.

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Children With An Older Brother Have Poorer Language Skills Than Those With A Big Sister

By Matthew Warren

The role of birth order in shaping who we are has been a matter of some debate in psychology. Recent research has cast doubt on the idea that an individual’s position in relation to their siblings influences their personality, for instance. But there may be other domains where birth order is still important: in particular, researchers have found that children with a greater number of older siblings seem to have worse verbal skills.

However, a new study published in Psychological Science has found that the situation is a bit more complicated than that.  Young children with an older sibling do indeed perform worse on language measures, the authors find — but only if that sibling is a brother.

Parents only have a limited amount of time and attention they can split between their children, so the more siblings a child has, the less input they will personally receive from their parents. As parents play an important role in their child’s language development, this could explain why those with a greater number of older siblings have worse language skills.

Naomi Havron at PSL Université and colleagues were interested in how this effect is influenced by the age and sex of an older sibling. There may be less of a negative impact if there is a bigger age gap between siblings, or if the older sibling is a girl, the researchers reasoned. A much older sibling will have better verbal skills, so could themselves become a useful source for younger children to learn about language. And girls tend to have more advanced language skills than boys, so a sister may also provide better input to their younger sibling.

To test these theories, Havron and colleagues looked at data from an ongoing French cohort study called EDEN, which has followed children, and their mothers, from before birth through to age 11. At ages 2, 3 and 5-6, the children’s language skills were measured: at age 2 this simply involved mothers indicating which words their child could say, but at later ages children completed tests such as repeating words and sentences, naming pictures and listing animals. The team analysed the data from 1,276 children who had completed the language tests, including 547 who had an older brother or sister.

The researchers found that, on average, children who had an older sibling had worse language skills than those who didn’t. But as they predicted, the sex of an older sibling was important: kids with older sisters had better language skills than those with older brothers. In fact, a subsequent analysis showed that children with an older sister didn’t actually differ in their language skills from those with no older sibling. On the other hand, the age gap between the siblings didn’t appear to make any difference to language ability after all.

It’s not yet clear why children perform better when they have older sisters, the researchers write. It could be that sisters have better language abilities or are more nurturing than brothers — but another possible explanation is that sisters are less demanding on their parents, taking less parental attention away from their younger siblings than do brothers. Whatever the reason, the authors say,  “it … might be more accurate to think of the well-established negative older-sibling effect as an older-brother effect.”

But having an older brother isn’t all bad. Other studies have found that children with older siblings are actually better at some of the social aspects of language, like joining in conversations. And it’s also important to note that although statistically significant, the size of the effects in the study were rather small — and restricted to just a sample of French speakers. It remains to be seen whether similar results are seen in children in other cultures or who speak other languages.

– The Effect of Older Siblings on Language Development as a Function of Age Difference and Sex

Matthew Warren (@MattbWarren) is Editor of BPS Research Digest

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“Callous” Children No More Likely To Display Psychopathy As Adults – But May Be At Greater Risk Of Committing Violent Crime

By Emma Young

Is it possible to spot the signs of future psychopathy in a child? Some researchers have argued that it is — by looking at the child’s level of “interpersonal callousness” (IC), or the extent to which they are manipulative, dishonest, and show a lack of guilt, remorse or distress at being punished. Indeed, previous studies have found that children who rank high for IC are more likely to develop psychopathic features, as well as to commit violent offences in adolescence and adulthood. So, case closed?

Not according to a new study, published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology. This work, led by Meagan Docherty and Jordan Beardslee at Arizona State University, suggests that other important risk factors for these negative outcomes in adolescence and adulthood haven’t been properly taken into account — and that when they are, the apparent link between childhood callousness and psychopathy in adulthood disappears.

Docherty and Beardslee’s team analysed data collected for the Pittsburgh Youth Study (PYS), in which boys were regularly interviewed and assessed using a variety of measures, from their early childhood in the late 1980s through to adulthood. The PYS group was deliberately skewed to over-include boys who, based on early problem behaviour, were considered to be at a higher risk of going on to commit serious crimes. The datasets also included any official records of later offending, and the results of follow-up assessments of psychopathic features, physical aggression and antisocial behaviour on into adulthood.

The 503 participants included in this study had been rated for callousness each year from the ages of 8 to 15 by their teachers, who assessed their level of agreement with statements like “doesn’t seem to feel guilty after misbehaving.” The team divided the participants into various callousness groups: those deemed to have low, moderate or high IC levels, for example; groups who’d shown callousness only during childhood, or in whom it appeared only in adolescence; and also a group in which IC developed early on and remained high and stable. They then compared this data with levels of psychopathic features (such as being manipulative or antisocial) and physical aggression at age 29, and also, as a measure of antisocial behaviour, official criminal records.

The researchers also took into account a number of potentially confounding factors that might themselves relate to later violent crimes or psychopathy. These included any records of arrests by age 15, and also “externalising” behaviours (physical aggression, verbal bullying and defiance, for example) during adolescence.

When these factors were included in the analysis, membership of the various callousness groups during childhood or adolescence did not predict later adult psychopathic features. This means that people who’d been deemed to have high IC as children were no more likely to show signs of psychopathy in adulthood than those who’d had no or low levels of callousness in childhood. “These results suggest that the stability from IC early in life to psychopathic features in adulthood might be overstated in prior studies that do not control for early problem behaviours,” the researchers write.

There were, though, associations between certain callousness groups and aggression and antisocial behaviour in adolescence and adulthood. Those participants with early-onset, high-level and stable callousness were more likely to be aggressive and to engage in serious violence in adulthood. (Members of this particular IC group were two to three times more likely to be arrested for serious violence than those in any other IC group.)

The team says that they would like to see more research into why IC follows distinct patterns in different young people. Perhaps warm parenting can ‘treat’ deficits in moral development, which might appear as symptoms of IC in childhood that vanish by adolescence, for example; in contrast, harsh parenting might encourage the emergence of IC in otherwise typical adolescents.

– Developmental Trajectories of Interpersonal Callousness From Childhood to Adolescence as Predictors of Antisocial Behavior and Psychopathic Features in Young Adulthood

Emma Young (@EmmaELYoung) is Staff Writer at BPS Research Digest

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